[short]Ling'er's story

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liyufei
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[short]Ling'er's story

Postby liyufei » Wed Mar 11, 2009 12:13 am

Tomorrow comes the anniversary to offer sacrifices to master, then I know I’m 16 today. It reminds me of that day 4 years ago when master was dying in bed, caressing my long hair. I lay prone on her body crying wishing to keep her, only to listen to her last will: I should follow my grandma and take good care of myself. Never go out of the isle. Now I turned 16, does it mean anything? No matter how long it passes, I’m the most common Taoist nun on earth forever on this desolate and isolated isle, who can’t leave for the outside world until some day I will have gone to the place where master is, never come back.
At dawn, grandma went out to purchase offering for master. So I’m lazy in bed instead of practicing my theurgy. After the meal, I pace out of Moonwater Palace. The sunshine in Celestial Spirits Paradise smells pink. Whenever a flower falls, from the soil flutters a butterfly; once a butterfly withers, on the branch blooms a flower, pink refuses to be faded in the least.
I step on the path covered with petals, cross the stone bridge walking towards Ling Pool. There are many pools in Celestial Spirits isle where many lotuses are in full bloom. But in Ling pool, the largest one lives only one lotus who is the most snowy on the island. Not a pink flaw can be found in her silky petals. The golden receptacle bears only one crystal seed—her unique child—which has been unripe for so many years. She’s the only one in the big pool, even if there are usually some butterflies playing with her, I’m always afraid she feels lonely. Every day after practicing theurgy, I would come here, undress myself with clothes on the stone block, and go into the water to accompany her. Lost in thinking, I’ve sat in the water beside her again.
I like to embrace her tender stem and hide my head under her, rubbing against her petals. Some naughty fish are threading in my hair clump playing games and making me tickle. Smoothing my hair, I recollect mother. Haven’t seen mother for ten years, I almost forgot her appearance, nevertheless, she must be the greatest and prettiest mother. They say mother had long hair, I need to tie mine in bunches because I’m young. It disperses now, longer than mother’s?……At the very moment ,she rocks her stem lightly, as if she perceives my sadness and comforts me. I smile knowingly at her: We are the best friends.
I’m just immersed in the bath, enjoy the comfort between water and sky, and don’t care about butterflies alighting on me. How cheerful they are, they have wings. Since you have wings, why not flit away, out of the isle, to anywhere? You are simply unwilling to leave; you are really fond of this “paradise”? You are glad to transmigrate here life by life……Then stay here, with me……
Time has gone by imperceptibly and it’s time I went back. Moving towards the bank, I notice my clothes are missing. While I’m surprised, a branch extends behind the stone block just hanging my clothes, which makes me tumble down to water,followed by a strange guy’s voice: “Are you looking for these?”I huddle in water and stare at there. Luckily he doesn’t come out and promises to return my cloths in exchange of an elixir. To get my clothes back, I have to comply with him and command him to leave 20 Zhang away until I’m dressed. Having made sure he has gone, I jump out, dress myself quickly and conceal myself. I must punish the guy! Finding not me, he complains after he’s back. I give out a series of lightning that makes him lie down. Having realized the lightning aiming at himself, he kneels and begs for sparing his life. So I fly out with my plaits hanging in the air. Actually I don’t hit him, I never know what will happen if it really hits a person. Seeing him lying on the ground in a panic and calling me “fairy sister” I feel funny but struggle to hold back laughter.
However soon I’m aware of having mistaken him. To save his aunt who has taken great pains to bring him up on her own and suddenly got rare ill even the most skilled doctor in town can’t treat, he brave tempestuous billow to Celestial Spirits Isle and overcame obstacles that master set to keep outsiders off, to beg for an elixir. He’s just a pitiful orphan the same as me! I hold tears in eyes and prop him up, reckoning grandma hasn’t come back, I take him to Moonwater Palace.
Casting glances here and there, he walks very slowly. Gazing at the statue of Kwan-yin in the end of the bridge in an amusing expression, he halts on the bridge and asks me whether he’s going to the goddess of mercy and considers me as a fairy again. Grandma hasn’t come back as expected; I hasten to guide him into the elixir room.
The utensil containing Zijin Pill is in the upper right corner of the shelf. A probably ten-year-old boy drove a boat alone here for it to save his father just three days ago. There will remain only two after I put out one again. That’s master’s relic. She used to inculcate me with practicing philanthropy and “filialness is the highest virtue.” She must allow me to do that.
I put one Zijin Pill into a censer; he accepts it cautiously. Holding it closely to chest, he makes such a low bow to “thank fairy sister for great goodness.” What a shame, I really have a name. I have to let him know my name, Zhao ling’er, so he believes me to be a common girl. Having heard that I scared him, XY tells me he’s 19 bashfully. He is older than me and certainly knows many interesting things. Regretfully, he must leave soon. Does it have to cost me one Zijin Pill left by master to meet a stranger? He may have learnt my disappointment and promises to take me to a certain “temple fair” later. How nice! I hurry to hook up with him.
He goes out of the elixir room while he is watching me. That slowly he leaves, would that he should return early. There remain two in the utensil. No strangers had been here for ten years. Two persons came in these three days. How long would they last? Grandma seldom asks about all kinds of elixirs. I put it back to the corner then she may not detect that.


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I'm new here and I'm happy to find so many fans here.
This is the first part of a long novel that I'll accomplish when I have enough time.But I'm really so busy these years as a student.

I'm not adapted at writing, so there can be something wrong.I'm willing to receive your advices to improve my article.So if you find any error, gramma or spelling or else, tell me please.

Thanks for your reading.
Last edited by liyufei on Fri May 22, 2009 3:31 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Chibi Jennifer
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Re: [short]Ling'er's story

Postby Chibi Jennifer » Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:08 am

It sounds good so far...the main problem I see is the tenses used being are incorrect which makes it sound a bit confusing..

For example: "Now I’ve been 16, how’s that?"

Tense could be a tricky thing (I'm pretty bad at grammar myself) but fixing them and getting it right can go a long way.

Keep it up :)
♥Xiaoyao and Ling'er~~~
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liyufei
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Re: [short]Ling'er's story

Postby liyufei » Mon May 04, 2009 8:02 pm

Thanks for your reply.My mother tone is not Eenglish so...I'm really not adapted at it.
When I say"Now I’ve been 16", I imply "Today is my birthday, no one ever celebrate that even though I'm the young hostress of the palace";It's also an undertone that "NO sooner than I was 12, I've lost my dear master. She just left me on the day after my 12th birthday" :cry:
"how’s that" I'd express "so what?".I hope the sentense really means it. If not, teach me please. :wink:
You see,as a non-English speaker, the tense is always a big problem. I really hope you may pick up more errors and tell me how to correct them.
Thank you again. :D

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Rich
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Re: [short]Ling'er's story

Postby Rich » Tue May 05, 2009 3:17 pm

It's all right... most of us had to learn English the hard way. Just keep practicing, you'll get better :D

Don't say "Now I've been 16", say "Now I turned 16" or "Now I am already 16". "How's that" is not the same as "so what". If you want "so what" then use "so what".

Don't use "Ere", that's 12th century English.

BTW, Ling'er is not a "Taoist nun".... nuns are not allowed to marry.

liyufei
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Re: [short]Ling'er's story

Postby liyufei » Wed May 06, 2009 8:21 pm

Rich wrote:It's all right... most of us had to learn English the hard way. Just keep practicing, you'll get better :D

Don't say "Now I've been 16", say "Now I turned 16" or "Now I am already 16". "How's that" is not the same as "so what". If you want "so what" then use "so what".

Don't use "Ere", that's 12th century English.

BTW, Ling'er is not a "Taoist nun".... nuns are not allowed to marry.


Thank you so much, you help me with my writing. :P
If you can read Chinese, I mean"那又怎样呢?" when I say "how's that". I try to express a feeling of"无奈" coz "I" am so longly.
Since "ere" is not good.Could you find me a word to express the time when the sun is rasing while it's still a bit dark.
Then ,what's "BTW"?
According to "Taoist nun", I saw a official picture of Ling'er that says "Taoist nun" in Chinese. You see this picture.
Image
So I can only write that. Well we may treat the nun not that strict.

Well, I really appreciate you pick up errors and help me correct them.If you like it, teach me more about this writing.Thank you again. :wink:

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Rich
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Re: [short]Ling'er's story

Postby Rich » Thu May 07, 2009 2:25 pm

> Thank you so much, you help me with my writing.

No problem. Keep up the good effort!

> If you can read Chinese, I mean"那又怎样呢?" when I say "how's that". I try to express a feeling of"无奈" coz "I" am so longly.

you can say "but does it mean anything?" or "but does it make a difference?"

> Since "ere" is not good.Could you find me a word to express the time when the sun is rasing while it's still a bit dark.

at dawn

> Then ,what's "BTW"?

BTW = by the way

> So I can only write that. Well we may treat the nun not that strict.

okay... if you are referring to that picture then you are fine.


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