Poetry translation suggestions

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Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Pantamorph » Fri Feb 12, 2010 8:05 pm

I created this topic to discuss what kind of poetry we could use in the game for the translation
Right now, I am thinking of the poem that Ling'er recites before Xiaoyao leaves her on Dream Island
My suggestion for the poem is a part of Alexander Kochetkov's Ballad About a Smoke-Filled Wagon, more precisely:

Don't ever part with your beloved ones,
Don't ever part with your beloved ones,
Don't ever part with your beloved ones,
Do flow in them with all your blood.
And say good-bye forever always,
And say good-bye forever always,
And say good-bye forever always,
Should you for just one moment part.


You can read the poem and it's english translation here (English is expressionless, so you probably won't be able to "Feel" these words like I did when I read it in Russian :( )
So, what do you think?
Let's discuss it together as real PAL fans! :D

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Pantamorph » Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:44 pm

10 views and not a single answer... :(
What kind of game fans are you??? :?

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Opi » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:37 am

the inactive on the forums kind =(

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Chibi Jennifer » Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:00 pm

The forum can be a bit quiet at times, please don't be discouraged :)
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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby God » Wed Feb 17, 2010 1:57 pm

I was thinking... since the poem was an original, why not come up with an original ourselves instead of quoting from another poet?

Original Poem (My English version is in brackets)
既不回头,何必不忘;
(It which will not be recalled need not be remembered)
既然无缘,何需誓言。
(It which is not destined need not be promised)
今日种种,似水无痕,
(The events of today are but ripples upon the water)
明夕何夕,君已陌路。
(After tonight, we will part paths.)

Yeah, I know it's not good. Well, at least I tried lol.
I need more wuxia in my life.

:P :P :P

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Pantamorph » Thu Feb 18, 2010 2:01 am

God wrote:I was thinking... since the poem was an original, why not come up with an original ourselves instead of quoting from another poet?

Original Poem (My English version is in brackets)
既不回头,何必不忘;
(It which will not be recalled need not be remembered)
既然无缘,何需誓言。
(It which is not destined need not be promised)
今日种种,似水无痕,
(The events of today are but ripples upon the water)
明夕何夕,君已陌路。
(After tonight, we will part paths.)

Yeah, I know it's not good. Well, at least I tried lol.


Good idea, though I doubt I could write my own English poetry... :(
But I'll try too:
Don't turn back, but don't forget;
I'm misfortuned, no regrets.
Night will end, it's time to leave
We will part, don't be naive

How's that? :lol:

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby God » Thu Feb 18, 2010 5:00 am

Depends on whether you want to keep the meaning of the original poem intact. Yours is further from the original meaning than mine, but it rhymed though, so that's something.

Original Poem (Literal translation in brackets)
既不回头,何必不忘;
(Since you're not turning back, why not forget?)
既然无缘,何需誓言。
(Since we are not fated, why promise?)
今日种种,似水无痕,
(Everything that happened today, leaves no mark like on water.)
明夕何夕,君已陌路。
(Tomorrow or whenever, you will be on a different road.)

As with most things in life, both our versions could work; it's just how we make them work lol.
I need more wuxia in my life.

:P :P :P

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Pantamorph » Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:32 am

God wrote:Everything that happened today, leaves no mark like on water.

I've been thinking these few days how to rhyme my poetry if I could use this sentence, once I come up with something, I'll let you know :)

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby doranikofu » Tue Mar 02, 2010 4:52 pm

it's really hard to translate something like this...
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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Pantamorph » Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:14 pm

doranikofu wrote:it's really hard to translate something like this...

Yeah, especially if English isn't your native language (I actually translated some of the poems to Russian and it sounded a LOT better than what I wrote in English)
I'd also be thankful if someone could give me a literal translation of the poems, since Traditional Chinese is too hard for me to understand sometimes :)

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby veange » Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:05 pm

既不回头,何必不忘;
既然无缘,何需誓言。
今日种种,似水无痕,
明夕何夕,君已陌路。

my personal interpretation:

Since you will not look back, why burden the heart with memories;
Since strands of fate care not to bind us, why bother with promise.
What meaning in the day's memories, soon without a trace as ripples across on water,
As another night's clear dusk fades to darkness, so do we onto separate paths.

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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Chibi Jennifer » Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:16 pm

haha these are sounding pretty good, nice collab you guys :D Keep it up!
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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby ~IllusionQueen~ » Wed Jun 25, 2014 8:01 pm

Whoo~ Wish I had seen this thread earlier~ X'3

I'd also be thankful if someone could give me a literal translation of the poems, since Traditional Chinese is too hard for me to understand sometimes


既不回头,何必不忘?
既然无缘,何需誓言?
今日种种,似水无痕。
明夕何夕,君已陌路。

Since you will not turn your head back, why bother not forgetting?
(Since you are not coming back, why bother remembering me?)

Since we have no fate, why are promises needed?
(Since we are not meant to be, why is it necessary to make promises to me?)

The various things that have happened today, have no trace like water.
(Everything that has happened today between you and I, will become nothingness.)

Tomorrow's sunset is which sunset? The gentleman is already a stranger who passes by in the streets.
(What day is it tomorrow? You might already be a stranger who would walk past me.)

This is probably the closest you can get...
And I agree with the others, beautiful poems like these should not be replaced with different, random poems. It's actually more beautiful if you can actually understand the language, because then you can feel the true beauty of it.
Last edited by ~IllusionQueen~ on Tue Sep 27, 2016 6:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby Chibi Jennifer » Sun Jun 29, 2014 12:49 pm

You're the poetry translation expert :oops:
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Re: Poetry translation suggestions

Postby ~IllusionQueen~ » Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:57 pm

Nah~ I just happen to have a liking for doing literal translations from Chinese to English X"3 :oops:
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