Perfect World Chapter 6 – A Time for Reminiscence

on 08 21, 2010

Ling Er wrapped her arms tightly around Xiao Yao’s neck.  He had carried her for nearly half the day and had not looked at her once.  His eyes, glued to the path they were on, showed a glint of bitterness, of regret.

“Xiao Yao gege, ni mei shi ba?” / “Xiao Yao gege, are you ok?” asked Ling Er, looking deep into his eyes, searching for answers.  Instead of answering her question, Xiao Yao turned his head and forced a most painful grin.

“Ling Er ah…wo men gen Hu Die da de shi hou…ni…ni you se me gan jue?” / “Hey, Ling Er…when we fought with Hu Die…how…how did you feel?”

Ling Er focused her eyes at a spot on Xiao Yao’s neck.  “Wo…wo jue de…” / “I…I felt…”

“Wo jue de hao tong ku – hao nei jiu.  Wo zhen de hen xiang ta men.” / “I felt so horrible – so guilty.  I really miss them.” interrupted Xiao Yao.

“Xiao Yao gege…”

Xiao Yao looked at Ling Er.  She missed everyone as well.  Xiao Yao began recalling the many memories they had with their friends.  First meetings, the good times…the bad times.  The sky, as though it sensed their current moods, began to release small droplets of rain.  Xiao Yao continued walking and Ling Er didn’t bother to attempt shielding them.  The falling water quickly fell faster and harder, so that each drop that fell upon them became fully audible.  Sighing, Xiao Yao looked around for shelter.  He couldn’t have Ling Er falling ill, now could he?  He spotted a few large trees and started to make his way under their thick branches.  Xiao Yao set Ling Er down in the center of the trees, where the lightening would be least likely to strike.  Brushing the water off his brow, he sat down next to his wife and spread out his legs for a nice, long stretch.  Staring off into space, Xiao Yao seemed to be getting lost in his own thoughts.  Ling Er went around to Xiao Yao’s back and leaned her head on his shoulder.  In response, Xiao Yao reached for her hand and started massaging it with his thumb.

“Mei yi ci Hu Die bian xing de shi hou, wo mei you jue de wo zai gen wo men de peng you dou.  Ke shi kan dao ta men de lian, ting dao ta men de sheng ying, wo zhen de hen gua ze ta men.  Hao ren, shi bu shi yi zhi hui bei huai ren li yong, bei huai ren qi fu, zhi hui shou ku?”
“Everytime Hu Die changed form, I didn’t feel as though I was fighting our old friends.  But seeing their faces, hearing their voices, I really do miss them.  Is it that good people will only be used by villains, be bullied by them, to experience only suffering?” ask Xiao Yao, as he started pulling out the grass where he sat.  His breathing became deep pants as he continued.

“Ta men yi ge you yi ge bei ne ge wang ba dan hai si le.” / “One by one, they all died because of that bastard.”  Xiao Yao scorned.  “Wo hai da ying le Yue Ru, ci dao lao, wan dao lao.  Wo men lao le ma?” / “I even promised Yue Ru, that we’d eat until seniority, play until we were old.  Are we that old?”  asked Xiao Yao, facing Ling Er.  She smiled knowlingly at him and stroked his face with the back of her hands.

“Wo yie hen xiang Yue Ru jiejie.  Ta zai ze shi shang shi ge da hao ren.  Ta he Jin Yuan gege zui hao xin le.  Wo xiang xin, tian hui bao da ta men de.  Ze shi jie shi hen bu gong ping, hen duo shi hou shi wu li de.  Hao ren huai ren dou you ta men de xuan ze, you ta men de zi you zuo ta men xiang zuo de shi.  Ke shi wo xiang xin, wo men zuo shen me dou hui you bao ying de, bu guan shi xian zai huo shi lai sheng.  Dao zui hou, tian shi gong ping de.  Lao Tian Yie bu shi bu zhang yian de.”
“I, too,  miss Yue Ru jiejie.  While on this earth, she was a great person.  She and Jin Yuan gege had hearts of gold.  I believe, that heaven will make it up for them.  This world is very unfair and sometimes is without reason.  People both good and bad have their choice, the free will to do whatever they want.  But I believe, whatever we do will have consequences, whether it’s in this life or the next.  In the end, heaven is fair.  Father God is not without eyes.”

Xiao Yao hoped Ling Er was right.  She had always been his strength, his foundation.  Though Yue Ru was there to share in his pain as a companion, no one could take the place  Ling Er had in his heart.  As if sensing Xiao Yao’s thoughts, Ling Er asked if, after everything, he felt it was wrong for her to push him towards Yue Ru.  Surprised by this sudden question from his wife, Xiao Yao struggled to find the right words.  When he finally answered, it was evident he had been thinking about this for a long time.

“Ne ge Uh Nu…wei le wo, ta xi sheng le hen duo.  Wo yie zhi dao wo zai ta xin li you shen me di wei.  Ni shi kan ta ren hao, xin hao, hai you wei wo de tong ku zhao xiang, cai ze me zuo de.  Wo bu guai ni; ke shi, you shi hou wo zhen xi wang wo you liang ge xin, yi ge gei ni, yi ge gei ta.” / “That Evil Woman…sacrificed a lot because of me.  I also knew the place I had in her heart.  It was because you saw she was a good person, with a good heart, and was considering my well-being, that you pushed me towards her.  I don’t blame you; however, I sometimes wish that I had two hearts, one for you and one for her.”

Ling Er nodded.  “Xiao Yao gege, ni zhen de cheng zhang le.” / “Xiao Yao gege, you’ve truly grown.”

“Na hai yao shuo.” / “I know.” he replied, smiling at Ling Er.

“Ni ai bu ai ta?” / “Do you love her?” asked Ling Er.  On one hand, she wanted Xiao Yao all to herself.  On the other, she wanted Xiao Yao to be a good man and wanted Yue Ru jiejie to have what she deserved.  She didn’t want to be selfish, but she couldn’t help but wish Xiao Yao would say no, or, just as a sister, or something of that nature.  Xiao Yao looked at his wife and felt her personal dilemma.  She had never been very good at hiding her emotions behind any form of exterior.  Even when she tried to leave him before, it was only because he was so shocked and hurt that he didn’t see through her fronts.  Thinking back, he was an idiot.

“Ai.” / “Yes.” he said.  Ling Er could only nod as Xiao Yao continued.

“Yi da bu fen shi xiong di jie mei de nei zhong ai.  Ke shi, you yi xiao bu fen shi qing ren de ai.  Wo xiang le hen duo hai shi xiang bu kai.  Ke neng, wo jue de dui bu qi ta.  Hai you wo dang ran hen guan xing ta.  Wo jue de, rang ta gan shou yi xiao bu fen wo xin li mian de ai shi gong ping de.  Ta shuo guo ta bu yao gan zi de ai, ke shi, kong pa, wo dui ta zhi you ne me duo.”
“A large portion of it is the kind of love that siblings share.  But, a small part of it is the kind that lovers share.  I’ve thought about this for a long time and I still can’t really figure it out.  Maybe, I felt that I owed her far too much.  And of course I really cared about her.  I think, that letting her feel a small piece of the love I have in my heart is fair to her.  She once said that she didn’t want love that was formed from gratitude, but, perhaps, the love I have for her only goes that far.”

Xiao Yao stopped massaging Ling Er’s hand and turned around to face her.  Tapping her nose, he took her into his strong arms.  Instantly feeling his security, Ling Er closed her eyes and buried her face in her husband’s chest.

“Zi de, ni jiu shi wo de wei yi.” / “Remember, you’re my one and only.” he assured her.  “Wo yie shuo guo, wo, Li Xiao Yao, ai ni, Zhao Ling Er, YI SHENG YI SHI!!!” / “And I’ve also said that I, Li Xiao Yao, love you, Zhao Ling Er, FOREVER AND EVER!!!” he screamed, smiling goofily.  Ling Er stared at him with a rigid and emotionless face.  Xiao Yao looked around and wondered if he had done something wrong.  Was it something he said?  He sniffed himself to make sure he didn’t need another bath.  Slowly, a grin cracked on Ling Er’s face.

“Xie xie ni, Xiao Yao gege.” / “Thank you, Xiao Yao gege.”

They looked around them as they realized the rain had stopped.

“Wo men ying gai shang lu le, hehe.  Wo men hai yao da bai Bai Yue, hui qu zhao gu Yi Ru ne.” / “We should get going, hehe.  We still have to defeat Bai Yue and return to take care of Yi Ru.” urged Xiao Yao as he stood and reached to help Ling Er up.

“Mm.  Wo men yao hao hao de huo xia qu, wei le wo men de peng you.” / “Mm.  We have to continue living on well, for our friends.”

Ling Er asked Xiao Yao how he was so sure that Bai Yue was at Nan Zhao Guo castle.  Simple, he replied.  She had explained to him that this world was a conglomeration of his nightmares.  Concerning Bai Yue, his worst nightmare would be if that bastard was emperor, of his wife’s homeland, no less.  Actually, on second thought, his worst nightmare would be if he himself were Bai Yue.  Thank God he was himself, Li Xiao Yao, beloved husband of Zhao Ling Er.  Dust kicked up along the trail as they continued their journey to Bai Yue, to their way out, to the rest of their lives.

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